me: (farts right before leaving a store)
my girlfriend: oh wait I want to look at this one last thing
me: no we got to go right now
what’s the password
This vodka looks like a fucking galaxy bye.
the goat is not a student…..he’s a teacher.
when you overhear your name in a conversation
A strong independent dog who don’t need no man
when i meet up with my friends i tell them im already on my way when im actually still choosing what clothes to wear
me: mom im hungry
mom: eat a fruit